Katie Grace

Katie Grace

My sweet Katie Grace, the beginning of you is such a beautiful story. Daddy and I knew we were ready to give Lucas a baby brother or sister. It seemed like the perfect time in our lives. I wanted to be pregnant with you very badly so I took SEVERAL pregnancy tests even though most were not accurate because I took them ridiculously early! I was told by my friend Holly that I should not take another one untill it was long enough to really tell! It was great advice but so hard to wait! I was very excited and knew exactly how I would surprise everyone with the good news. I wanted to take a test Wednesday night but forced myself to wait untill Friday. On Thursday, January 24, however, we recieved news that would change everyone's course. My big brother, your uncle Billy had passed away unexpectedly. We were devestated. I was blown away by the news and I put off taking the test for a few days. On Sunday, I finally felt strong enough to find out if I was pregnant. Daddy and I read the stick together : PREGNANT! We both fell to the floor in tears. Happy tears for you, sad tears for the loss of someone who would have completely adored you and, mainly, fearful tears because I was truly afraid my body wasn't strong enough to carry you at that point in my life. I was terrified. I told Mamaw and Papa the news the day before we said goodbye to Billy. It was the only time for several days to come that I saw their eyes light up with hope. I shared the news with select people as the days moved on. Everyone had the same reaction. They all thought of you as God's little miracle of hope. My pregnancy with you was at the least, very eventful! I had to take up to three shots a day to keep my blood thin and went for sonograms weekly. Things were very hard for our family in those days because everyone was grieving for Billy. I felt very weak and vulnerable and worried often that I wasn't doing enough to keep you strong inside of me. I was under alot of stress and one day at my doctor's visit, I decided that I would need to talk to him about my stress level and what we could do about it. That day, during the sonogram, he noticed that you were not growing properly. He also noticed clotting in my placenta and you had a heart arrythmia. I was terrified to say the least. He told me there was a very good chance that you would be born prematurely. I vowed in that moment to be stronger than ever for you. I quit eating and drinking all caffeine (which includes chocolate!). I tried to learn to not carry other peoples stress and grief with me. And, I prayed for you like crazy! Four weeks after the diagnosis, the problem corrected itself....no, GOD corrected the problem. You came at thirty nine weeks and were a happy, healthy, beautiful baby girl. Katie, I don't tell you these things to make you sad. I write them to let you know that YOU kept me going. YOU made me strong again. YOU gave us all hope. You, my Katie Bug, came exactly when you were suppose to come. You put the light back in all of our eyes. We had several different middle names to choose from but we all knew when the time came that Grace was perfect. You are the very essence of God's grace. You will never know how much I needed you at that time. I love you.